Modern Divorce - The Do-Over For A Better You

Sex crimes prosecutor shows how to keep kids safe

May 26, 2022 Attorney Billie Tarascio Season 4 Episode 10
Modern Divorce - The Do-Over For A Better You
Sex crimes prosecutor shows how to keep kids safe
Show Notes Transcript

Most parents believe they are vigilant in making sure their kids are kept safe from pedophiles,  but sex crimes prosecutor Stacey Honowitz is here to say otherwise. The Broward County Florida prosecutor has been fighting for victims of sex crimes for more than 30 years, and she understands the complete playbook molesters use when scouting out young victims.

In this episode of the Modern Divorce Podcast, she shares with host Billie Tarascio the ways abusers insinuate themselves into the lives of young people to take advantage of them, sometimes right under the nose of a child's parents. How to stop it? She details the key ways to help children and parents recognize the bad guys, and take action against them when necessary.

Stacey has written fun and simple books parents can read to their children to help them understand how to set boundaries, including: My Privates are Private, and Genius with a Penis, Don’t Touch. These books make it easy for parents to comfortably and frankly discuss inappropriate touching with their children and teach the importance of speaking up and reporting abuse.

Billie Tarascio: [00:00:00] Hello, this is Billie Tarascio with the Modern Divorce podcast today with, I would think one of our most important episodes. It's a topic that is not fun to discuss, but really should be discussed more. So today I am joined by Stacey Honowitz. She is a long time sex crimes prosecutor in Broward county.

Currently the supervisor there, Stacey. Welcome to the. 

Stacey Honowitz: Oh, it's a pleasure to be here. Thank you so much for having me to discuss these important [00:01:00] topics. 

Billie Tarascio: Yeah, it's heavy. I mean, this is as heavy as child suicide. It's almost that, that heavy, but, um, it's something that we need to talk about because when we talk about these things, they become less powerful and less scary and it can happen less, right.

Stacey Honowitz: Yeah. I mean, listen, I always, I like a mantra when I talk to parents, I say it can happen to anyone by anyone, anywhere at any time. And most parents have that feeling of, well, it's not going to ever be my kid and. You know, sex crimes really doesn't know any boundaries. It it's rich, it's poor, it's black, white, Jewish, Catholic fat, thin, and I mean, I've prosecuted in my 33 years. I've prosecuted, you know, the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Um, And so anyone can be a victim and anybody can be a suspect. And that's why I think it's so important for parents to realize this stuff really does go on. It's not just the high profile cases.

See, I think that's the issue. We only see the fishbowl ones that [00:02:00] Sandusky, uh, Larry Nass or the doctor. Um, and then it kind of goes away. But I think people really need to realize that we've got hundreds of cases in our office. And so does every DA's office in the country. 

Billie Tarascio: It's a great point. And you have written some books.

Stacey Honowitz: Yeah, I did it. I mean, the reality of this situation is that most people don't kind of want to have this discussion. And I always, even when I'm trying to market the books, I tell parents, listen, it's some people don't like to have these conversations, but you can't be scared. You need to be proactive. I mean, there's nothing wrong when we're growing.

Our parents told to say no to drugs. I mean, that was a big thing saving on drugs. Uh, don't take candy from a stranger. Don't get in a strange car with somebody, all these things. So why is it that now it's so difficult to say here's your private parts and no one's allowed to touch you there. And if they do you need to report it, I guess, maybe because I'm so indoctrinated in it 

it, it, it doesn't [00:03:00] phase me. I could see how it would phase the average person who doesn't talk about this stuff every day. But that doesn't mean that you can't do it and that you shouldn't do it because I really think it's, I know it's a big, strong phrase. I think it's parental malpractice, if you don't.

I really do. I think that if you don't have these kinds of discussions with your kids and you are really doing them an injustice. Because some things they just can't figure out on their own evidence of that is Simone Biles, who, after she was abused by Larry Nassar came out and said, I didn't know it was abuse.

Billie Tarascio: Right. 

Stacey Honowitz: Well, you know, and so these are the things that we see that we need to really start discussing. 

Billie Tarascio: Absolutely. Okay. So I'm excited to get into the nitty gritty because I have four kids. They are 6, 9, 15, and 17. So the conversations are going to be very different depending on kids ages and even the so it's very easy.

What you said is, um, you know, these are your [00:04:00] privates, nobody touches your privates. You let me know if that happened. I think most parents do that. Right, 

Stacey Honowitz: right. Well, yes, I would say that most do, but there is a number that don't, and that's one of the reasons why I wrote the books because I was seeing parents in my office after the child disclosed, maybe to a teacher or to a friend and the friend's mother called and I, and I did say to the parents, and a lot of times they would say, No, I didn't because I among, I don't know how to, not that they were so bad, I don't know how to break the ice.

And that's really why I wrote these books because it's not one of those conversations you like, how was the game today, by the way, I want to tell you something. No, one's allowed to touch your private parts. I mean, you know, it's very hard to kind of sashay into the conversation, but you know, the interesting part is this.

When kids are little, we make it a habit when they're at their grandparents or again, tell show grandma where your where's your eyes, where's your nose, where when we're teaching the vibrance, where's your mouth. Where's your telling me, you know, it's all [00:05:00] very cute. If you teach a kid at an early age, that's my vagina or that's my private.

It's not funny to them. It's part of the anatomy. That's my penis. That's my, you know, It's it's only more embarrassing for the adults than it is for the child. Because if you learn something that early on, it's not that they're saying, Hey, this is just part of my body. You don't laugh. You don't say that's your vagina.

No, one's, you know, you make a port like that's your private part. And, and how do we know that's where you wear your underpants? When you're wearing a bathing suit, you cover up your private parts. You're below your waist, above your knees. I mean, all of these things can be kind of, um, taught very early. 

Billie Tarascio: So I completely understand that level of education.

I agree with you. That part was easy, correct? That let's say that that's like the foundation and then let's move up. So once you've taught your kids, this is my body. It's private. Um, I would [00:06:00] say there's a lot of opportunities for that to come up. Your kids are naked with each other. Your kids want to go in the bath, they're walking outside.

I can think of so many occasions where you can talk about bodies and privates and what do we do in our family and all that stuff. What's the next level up? What do you do then? In addition to that, to educate. 

Stacey Honowitz: Well, you tell them that, that if someone does touch them, if they make them feel uncomfortable, the first thing is to do is to report it.

That you're you're. I mean, the, what you really need to do is make the child feel comfortable. That's half the battle because notoriously kids will tell us when you sit and why didn't you tell not to put them on a, on a bad front, but why didn't you tell? They say, I didn't think anyone would believe me. I felt threatened.

Uh, it's my father, it's my mother. It's my uncle. I don't want to break up a family. There are so many layers of why somebody wouldn't tell, which is understandable, but we have to tell them, listen, if somebody does, [00:07:00] I know that you think you're in trouble, but you're not. All you need to do is to tell me and someone will help you.

You can't say I'm going to prosecute them. We're going to take them to court. You know, that that's, that's a big, strong that's that's for us to do, but as, uh, as, as something. As a parent, you could say, listen, just let me know, because there are ways for us to resolve this. There are ways for us to make sure that it doesn't ever happen again, because what people don't understand is this, when kids go through this kind of abuse, so horrible, horrible abuse, this is something they look with the rest of them.

Lives. I have people that have testified to me for me that are adults now. And it happened when they were a kid and I've had to bring them into court for certain things. Maybe it's a, it's a repeat, it's a guy that I'm prosecuting now who I've researched and went back and found the people that he abused years before.

And let me tell you something, it is a difficult, difficult situation. There are those that can come through with the like anything else can block it and can move on. But for the majority [00:08:00] of the people that are abused, There is always something that will trigger. And how do we know this? We know it because we see it in court, but how does the public know it?

Simone Biles? I mean, I keep bringing her up because she is like the example of everything that we tried to talk about. She didn't report, she didn't realize it was abuse. And look, how many years later it's still affecting her. Cause when she couldn't perform. At the Olympics, when she went through that horrible, she attributed a lot of it to the Larry Nassar situation.

It kind of brought her back to being in competition again. And that's why it's so important to tell people. You'd need to tell me so that doesn't affect you later on. I want to be able to get you through it, help you through it and make sure that in your lifetime, uh, it doesn't affect you. Now we're talking, you know, we talk at different levels, like you said, uh, little kids versus, you know, your 15 year old or your 16 year old.

Um, what we see [00:09:00] mostly with those cases are we see people that want to prey on them. They're at a certain age. And it could be the coach. It could be the neighbor. It could be the person on the computer. I mean, we see so much now of social media, uh, predatory behavior.

Well, I'm glad you brought that up.

So I was, I was out with friends the other night, and my friend was telling me that her now 16 year old is in counseling and in counseling, it has come up that when she was playing roadblocks as a 12 year old. Somebody was sending her images or she was in some sort of a relationship. You know, she had a, an ongoing communication with someone who was pretending to be a kid who was exposing her to pornography, and now she feels she's 16 and she, she never told.

Billie Tarascio: Her mom saw she was chatting with somebody and then took the iPad and there was no more access, but apparently this girl who's now 16 felt withdrawal symptoms and like actually was very, [00:10:00] very effected by what happened to her in her own home without anybody else there. So can you please talk to me about.

Stacey Honowitz: Yeah. I mean, that's really, you just put it in a nutshell. That's exactly the scenario that we see. Kids are dictated now by the computer by chatting and all of these, when people, you know, parents might say to me, well, I know she's not chatting with someone or really I, how do you know that? Because people go on the computer and they lie.

They lie about their age. They lie about who they're talking to because it's so easy. You're behind this screen. No, one's watching. Gone are the days of the pedophile down the sh oh, we still have them, but now we've got the ones behind the screen that make it very easy. And so what happens is these kids do get involved in these relationships.

Lots of times, kids that are maybe troubled kids might not trouble kids, but they might say, my mom will buy me this. My mom won't get me, that my mom would let me do this. And that is a way for a predator. They know this, this is how to gain the trust. We call it grooming. That's the big word we use, how to gain the trust [00:11:00] of this child so that the, the child cause fifteens and the child will start telling them stuff.

We'll start having conversations with them. We'll start leading them into their life, letting them know about their life and sure enough, they, they start trusting this person because they're speaking to them everyday. Going through withdraws is very normal because they are used to speaking to this person.

They think it's a relationship. The person on the other end says, I love you. I want to be with you. Screw your parents. They don't know what they're doing. This is so fabulous. Giving them every tidbit that they want to hear. And so. That's why we need to talk to our kids and let them know. And you can't let the kids say, oh, please don't bother me.

No. And that's why I say when their stuff on TV, when there's newsworthy cases, because we see so many show them, show them what happened to the girl that was talking to the person on the phone who gave out information. And that's another thing that we say you've got kids online, giving out information.

Where do you go to school?. Oh, here. Where do you live? Oh, here. What's your address? Oh, here. And so [00:12:00] the parents come in and they say, not only was she sexually abused by this person, but now this person knows where we live, where our house is, how to gain access. So you're not just. You starting with a sex crime, you're evolves into all these other situations.

So the computer is one of the hugest situations now that we are dealing with, because for some reason, a lot of these girls feel this trustworthiness with people that they're talking to and it goes on and the people, whenever I interview people always say, well, what do you attribute? Like the sex crazed world that we're in now, because we are, you can skim through Instagram.

And then four seconds see is sexy. The broad, the topless, everyone. I mean, I listen to porn, soft porn sex sells. We've known this for years and it's only gotten worse is accessible. Anybody can log into anything because we're seeing [00:13:00] so much of this. We need to kind of reign it in. And we need to educate.

That's what we need to do. We need to tell them the bad stuff. When I was growing up, I think I'm considerably older than you. When I was growing up, there was a show called scared straight, and what they did was they took juveniles. They took them into the prisons and they let these prisoners. Not touch them of course, but let them know the reality of what can happen and guess what it scared them straight.

It did that. The, the, the, you know, they did the, they did the surveys afterwards and the data came out afterwards about how much, and I'm not saying to do that, but I'm saying if it means that you have to scare your kids a little bit about what can really happen, then you need to do it. You can't just back off and say, well, I don't want to freak them out.

Well, sometimes you have to. Because they don't know what the real consequences are. 

Billie Tarascio: Yes. 

I mean, there's a lot, there's a lot of [00:14:00] the other, the other thing that I have seen a lot is that, um, predators will ask your children, my children to send pictures, send images, and then use that to blackmail them. And then I've heard stories about these kids killing themselves.

So there's a lot of psychological stuff going on that is connected to sex. And the only way to get through that is to break down those, those, that taboo nature 

of sex. 

Stacey Honowitz: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, listen, when I. It's called sextortion is what you're talking about. That's what it is. And what they do is they, even a boy and a girl are in a relationship that seems normal.

Like, you know, your, your daughter is dating this guy and she decides to send pictures. And then when things go bad, He says, unless you ABC, I'm sending out these photos and it's called sextortion and it's against the law. And we see so much of it. Do we do stuff about it? Unfortunately, we are so [00:15:00] backed up in the court system that kind of takes a, you know, the parents come in and they say, oh, I don't want to expose her to court.

I don't want to, you know, we need a diversion program for that. We need to let them know. We need to show them, why are you sending photos? Do you know what can happen if you send photos and they don't. That's the problem they don't. So they have to know, guess what? These, these districts won't prosecute you.

I go into schools, they call me in because they want me to kind of, you know, be the bad cop to talk about here's here's the statute. That's what needs to be handed out in school. Here's the, here's the law read the law. Don't look at Instagram. Don't look at this one to modeling topless or whatever. You can't do it when you're 18 and you want to do what you want to do.

That's one thing, but we have people have to know the law there's transmission of harmful material to minors there's possession of child pornography, there's there's, um, producing child pornography, [00:16:00] all of these things, all of these sex laws that we have all kind of feed into one another. 

Billie Tarascio: The other situation that comes up a lot in my world is, uh, because I'm a family law attorney, there are often allegations of sexual abuse by, um, step siblings occurring in the other parent's house.

And most of the time we're unable to prove anything or really find out if it's true or not. What suggestions do you have? 

Stacey Honowitz: Well, that's interesting cause we do, you know, family lawyers are sometimes pulled into these situations because it's not even just the step siblings, but when you have a, a, a highly contested custody battle, you might get a mom that says didn't dad touch you, you know, in an effort to, and all I can say.

Anything, everything has to be investigated. I mean, if there's any allegations, especially in Florida, if there's allegations down here and you're made aware [00:17:00] that a minor is being abused, you have a duty to report. And then the investigation goes from there. And what we do is we interview and we do just like you conduct a normal investigation, you meet with the police, you take statements, you hear from witnesses.

You hear if there's a backstory, you hear if there's a problem. If the father let's suppose the stepdad. Told the step daughter, you can't go out on Saturday. And so as a result, what do you think she does? She tells the mom, oh, he's been touching me. So we do see these cases and, you know, I wish there was a, just a blanket answer.

I could give you every case has every facts and different every case it takes on its own. Uh, You know, turns on its own facts and evidence, and we just have to investigate and see sometimes it's true. Sometimes it's not, are there false allegations? People say to me, you know, listen, that's why I know I'm digressing, but you know, people always say like, oh, I have to believe every girl that comes [00:18:00] forward.

I'm here to tell you as a sex crimes prosecutor, there are false allegations. It does happen. There are bad breakups. There are, it went too far. And I didn't know what to say, how to say anything. So I'm going to say that he raped me is a few and far between yes. Does it happen? Yes. And in family court situations, lots of times there were so much pressure.

Because of a new marriage or a bad divorce that kids are familiar with this kind of tactic, and you just have to do what anybody else does go to the police, make the, let the allegations be investigated fully. And if there's a problem, then there's an arrest made. And if there's not, then the family lawyers of course hash it out in front of the family court.

Judge. 

Billie Tarascio: Okay. 

Yes. Yeah. I have definitely worked on cases where my client, who was the dad was falsely completely falsely accused of molesting a child inside a courthouse. I mean, right. I mean, [00:19:00] 

those are easy. 

Stacey Honowitz: Exactly. Those are the easy ones where you're just like when the kid says it happened 422. How do you know?

Because I wrote it down. Where's your book? I don't have it. I mean, those are the easy ones, but there are the tough ones where it's line and you know, so I don't have the family court lawyers that's for sure. 

Billie Tarascio: Well, I have to imagine, uh, how a child responds to grooming must. Um, Predict whether or not they go on to become sexually abused.

So how do we, if, if a predator is, is testing boundaries and our children know how to set boundaries, that has to help. 

Stacey Honowitz: Absolutely. 

Which is, which is when you say that, which is where the education comes in. See if you start early and you talk about that stuff, they are aware. Someone will say to me, I mean, I've had situations where a friend will call and say, uh, Stacey, my, my friend, read your book.

[00:20:00] And she was very much tuned in when the coach from school, she was on like the soccer team. It was a male young male code. You know, ask for her phone number. And she said, well, you can call my parents. And she said, no, I don't want to quite grants. I want to be able, we should, we should be able to have dialogue.

And then he continued to call and continue to call and then said, can I take you out on, is that I could take you to the movies? In tune. She, because she, her mom had talked to her about it. They had the book, they educated, they talked about, listen, not every person is a predator. Not everyone wants to do harm, but you know, you have to, you have to kind of instill a little common sense in your kids.

She was telling me if it makes, if something's making you feel uncomfortable, Let me 

know. 

Billie Tarascio: Yeah. And, you know, super flattering behavior might be a red flag. Just keep it in mind. Well, while you figure it out. Okay. So tell me the names of the books and where I can get. 

Stacey Honowitz: The books are, um, genius with a penis.

Don't [00:21:00] touch the little boys. Cause you gotta get it. It's gotta be like, kind of in their face. I love it. Well, and the other thing that I wanted to talk about getting back to that is, you know, so many times we hear parents give fake names to the body part. Why are you doing that? You don't have a fake name for your elbow.

You don't have a fake name for yourself. It's called a vagina. It's called a private part. It's called the penis. It's called a private part. No, we will. We'll we'll ha PP the JJ. I mean, because I've had cases where, you know, somebody will come to me and say, you know, the kids said that so-and-so is touching my pocketbook and I didn't, I didn't, you know, what do you mean pocketbook?

Well, that. Finally after questioning, what do you mean? Probably, but you don't even have a clock who cares if someone touches your pocketbook? She said no. When she pointed my pocketbook. So don't give your kids, don't give your private parts, fake names. Nothing else is a fake name. Nothing else has a fake name.

So the boy look his genius with a penis don't touch. The girl's book is my privates are private. And I wrote another book. The [00:22:00] bully at school is really uncool because I realized in a lot of my, my cases that bullying kind of tied in with sexual abuse, like if a girl was being bullied at school and she kind of wanted to be in the in-crowd, she was, you know, when some guy said, uh, give me oral sex in the bathroom.

She went and did it because she wants it to be, and she was being bullied. And so I saw that, you know, a lot of these victims would come in and I would say, what, why would you do like, just tell me what would, and she said, well, nobody liked me at school. They made fun of me. I'm, you know, I'm overweight, I'm fat.

So I thought like it was the right thing to do. If a guy says, send me a picture of your boobs. She went and did it, you know, because she wasn't, um, it's like anything else she was being made fun of. And she wants to be part of the group. 

Billie Tarascio: Yeah. Oh 

Stacey Honowitz: yeah. It's heavy duty. It's hard stuff. I know that it's very hard stuff.

I just want people to realize that so much of it goes on and if you don't believe me, then take a lesson from the elite. Very bright, highly [00:23:00] educated gymnast who all sat on it for so long and then finally came forward. And one of my cases is what kind of got that ball rolling. Um, it was a gymnastics coach and he had been switching gyms.

On and on. And, you know, lots of times kids that are involved in sports, of course, their parents that are at that elite level, the parents want to see them get to the Olympics to the best that they can. And so when I prosecuted this guy, all the parents came in the courtroom and said, horrible things.

You're so mean, and what are you doing? And he's the best and blah, blah, blah, PS, four other states. I had girls that he had done it too. He just traveled every time he kind of got caught. He traveled from gym to gym. And so. Uh, USA today and the Minneapolis star was doing a joint investigation on gym coaches.

Cause this was very common. And then us at a gymnastics and they ran the six months they invest. They took my, all my files and cases spoke to everybody. Did this huge USA [00:24:00] today. Um, Story that ran for a couple of weeks. And one of the girls said, who read the story said, well, that's great to talk about the coaches, but what about the doctor?

And that's exactly how she talked about Nassar. And they started going back and back and back. And 250 girls said he did it to them. 250 girls that never came forward before. Which is sad. Really? 

I don't remember which book this was in, but it, it was, it was a Malcolm Gladwell book and it talked about this and it talks about how parents moms 

saw with a 

Billie Tarascio: hard-on.

It didn't think it just brushed it off. 

Saw him. He did it in plain sight, but we just weren't, we weren't attuned to thinking that 

could be a predator. 

Stacey Honowitz: Correct. And that, again goes back saying anybody can be one. And it also goes back to the, you know, I always say that pedophiles are master manipulators.[00:25:00] 

This guy was on the doctor. I am helping. I am going everywhere. They go, they need me two o'clock in the morning for, you know, so he built such a trust with them and that you do, that's twofold. You build the trust number one, to be able to do it. And then you build the trust so that they don't report you.

You don't want to report me. I'm your doctor, what are you kidding me? I'm helping you. So there's so much psychological stuff that goes into it. It's so hard to wrap it up and you know, but my whole mantra is we need to educate and don't be afraid to talk. Just, don't be afraid to talk, have the conversation.

And you can even say, you're good. Listen, I know what's uncomfortable. That's why I got you. This book. I wrote the book because they're in Limerick form because to break the ice. It's so easy. If you're nervous to talk to me, give the book.

Billie Tarascio: The book, is it on Amazon? 

Stacey Honowitz: Everything's 

on. 

Billie Tarascio: Okay. Genius with a penis and 

the vagina one is what 

Stacey Honowitz: My privates private. 

Billie Tarascio: Okay. Nope. It's hard to rhyme vagina. 

Stacey Honowitz: Exactly. [00:26:00] That's why I didn't. the little girl. Sometimes I have a difficult time saying vagina and they, so it is, there's a private. And then later on, teach them your private is your vagina.

Billie Tarascio: Yes. Yes. Mine. Mine calls it a pah-gina 

yeah, you can look at your age wrong. 

Stacey Honowitz: You've got quite the span. Yeah. 

Billie Tarascio: They're spread out. They're spread out the other, the other thing that I'm noticing with our culture right now coming out of me too, with an increased, um, kind of awareness of consent, people are becoming, I think more aware that consent is more than jus and sexual abuse is more than just, he raped me.

So Nassar was not raping. And so, and if, if you're not, if your idea of sex abuse is only the terrible acts that happened at the end, the most heinous acts that that's not good. And now I think we're, we're getting a lot more sensitive to don't invade my autonomy and my body, which [00:27:00] is a good thing. 

Stacey Honowitz: Correct.

And, you know, people have visions, you know, when we bring jurors into the courtroom, we ask them if they've ever been the victim of a crime or filed a police report. And then we say, how many, know what robbery is? And they raised their hand and it's completely wrong because it's the stuff they see on TV.

And that's all, they're, you know, CSI, New York, Miami, LA, whatever, all the CSI. They think they know what the crime is. And that's what people think about rate. They, they only think of rapists, the heinous act penis in vagina on the side, he wasn't done with a gun, dragged her into an alley and, and that's what happens.

And then they picture the, the trial with a woman sitting in the back or CSI. I found a fiber 28 years ago. The DNA matches under the carpet in her ear, in her vagina. That's why we need to educate, to let them know that that's kind of fake what you think you know about rape or what rape is called. It's not just what you hear or what you see molestation, uh, touching and invasion [00:28:00] of his conduct is an adult kissing a stranger on the lips. I mean like, you know what we always promise. Uh, now I'm not saying that every case is prosecutable because it's not the evidence isn't always there. We have to have a reasonable likelihood of conviction, but you have to know also that whatever you're seeing on TV is not the reality of what goes on to me too.

Like you said, bringing it back to what you said me too, I think has opened our eyes to. What's proper. What's not even in the board room or in the, in the office or, you know, someone coming over and rubbing your shoulders. I mean, that's not going to turn it into a sex crime, but you're touching me and don't, I don't want you to touch me.

You know, I didn't consent for you to touch me. Now, if you said to you, can I rub your shoulders? Of course, what does that sometimes lead to down to the breast? And then we get involved because she said, I didn't tell him he could touch me on my boobs. You know? So all of these things are kind of linked in.

But if 

Billie Tarascio: you can cut it off at the boobs, that's a win, that's a win. They're going to be able to prevent, you know, every adverse [00:29:00] thing that happens in life. But if we know what it is, we call it out. We stop it and we process it. We're going to be a heck of a lot better off than. You know, being Simone Biles, one of the most powerful, amazing women in the world who is understandably in her head and unable to be her best because she, she didn't get to process that she didn't get to cut it off and move on quickly and 

Stacey Honowitz: right.

And look, that's one of the reasons why, um, back judge, wonderful judge, she allowed all of them to come into the courtroom and speak because they needed their day. And that's the other thing that I tell parents to listen. You have to remember something it's so important to tell early, because I, as a prosecutor, I need to have evidence.

So a four or five years goes by. And they haven't told anybody. I don't have evidence if I have, you know, so that's another reason it's so important to tell. I mean, because you'll have a case, I don't want to be able to say to you, I don't have enough evidence for it. I believe that it happened. I'm [00:30:00] so sorry.

I know that probably project, but I just can't take it in front of a jury. So there's, there's, there's so many, um, there's so many different facets of sex crimes and sex law and psychologically, and you know, there there's all these. I had to tell somebody yesterday, they're going to put you on trial victim.

And why is that? Because when he came out of the room, She sat on the bed and she stayed as opposed to just leaving now, she allows us that yeah, she's allowed to. But what do you think a jury is going to say? Why did you stay? You knew he was drunk. He was already on you. You know what I mean? So all of these things, um, you know, Take a toll.

But like I said, if you teach my books will never prevent sex abuse. I tell parents don't buy my books in the hopes that it's, you know, God-willing, it will never happen to you and they will be prepared, but it won't stop it. It will make them, it might stop it. I'm not saying that it might stop it. They might know to say no, get off me, get away from me.

[00:31:00] Um, but for the most part, It's always going to help people too, that are perpetual victims. To know that if someone does make you feel uncomfortable the first time come and tell and let somebody help you. 

Billie Tarascio: I just don't think education can go wrong. Even knowing after even if a child is molested, at least if they know.

I'm being molested. This is not okay. Even that is empowering and will hopefully, if they then know they, can they go tell they know what happened to me is wrong. And I go tell that I feel like we, as humans can handle '

Stacey Honowitz: cause like knowledge is, you know, it's so corny, but knowledge is power. If you have a little bit of.

You feel powerful because now I know what to do with this knowledge. The knowledge is I feel uncomfortable and I I'm supposed to report it. I could tell my mom, my teacher, my friend, my guidance counselor, a friend of a friend. And I feel like I did something I didn't, I did not keep it a secret. 

Billie Tarascio: Yeah. And, and I will be protected.

So maybe I couldn't stop this, but it, it won't happen again. [00:32:00] And hopefully he or she is, is at least held accountable and it prevents that from stopping. So stopping the sexual abuse cycles every time somebody interrupts the sex abuse cycle, hopefully we're getting safer 

as this, this. Correct. I mean, unfortunately I see my cases.

I hate to say we've had like a, you know, boatload of cases. I mean, it's just been crazy, but, um, you know, we've got to attribute some of that to the computer. We do. I mean, there are, so there are so inundated all day and they're inundated with sex. If you'd be so surprised to know what they know at, you know, at that age now, you know, the, the, the sex acts and what goes on and they hear about it and they see it and, and, um, you know, to shame, I'm just trying to do my little part in.

In trying to help people and to try to let them know that this is really important stuff. And I wish a lot of mom groups, I wish a lot of mom [00:33:00] blogs and w parenting sites, instead of always just talking about the next great play date or where to get things on sale or where you can get the, uh, bounce house.

You know, what, why do you say also listen to, this is important. These are tools. I'm not doing that, but they're not New York times bestseller. What are they making money off of these little, nothing. Um, I'm just trying to tell you, this is important and I have to tell you in the last week I've been in a couple of Facebook groups and I've gotten some nice response prior to that major, major, uh, parenting sites that you would.

They don't want to talk 

about, 

Billie Tarascio: oh, I completely agree with everything you just said, but this is a conversation that should be happening. This is something that we should be talking about. And I'm so happy that my friend was willing to tell me about what happened with her daughter at dinner. You know that she wasn't embarrassed about that was she wasn't ashamed about it.

It allowed me to go have a conversation with my nine-year-old about roblox. He was [00:34:00] like, mom's so stupid . And of course that's never happened to me, but you know, what, if he does get an image sent to him, he'll know it won't be like, it won't be. It'll be, at least I know what to do. 

At least my mom, hopefully, and all, 

Stacey Honowitz: and people will say like, I'm what age did I start talking?

I said, listen, I'm not a parenting expert. You know your kids. I would never tell you what to do with your kid. I don't like someone telling me with my kid. I don't, but you know, the maturity level of your kid. When you start talking about the parts of their body, you need to include it. Then they say. Well, when should I stop?

And I say, NEVER,, don't you, you never stop. You don't have to sit down everything. You know, here's our lesson today. That's why I didn't write that. I said, why didn't you write a guide book? I said, write a guide book. What are you talking about? Like, Hey, do this speak, no kids won't learn from that. This is Limericks.

They could, you know, they could, they could, uh, I'll just read your one. So people know, 

Billie Tarascio: I love it.

Below my waist above my knees is my private part that no one should see. This is a place that no one should touch. Even if they say I love you so much. Sometimes [00:35:00] there's people that think it's okay, they will try and put their hands down that way. But you are smart, you know, that's not right. Just tell someone and they will help you fight.

So it just, it's just a little girl talking to. Tell your mom or dad, a neighbor or friend, whatever you choose, do not pretend if someone touches you in a bad way, you have every right to stand up and say, don't touch me there. You're breaking the law. I'll tell the police and I'll make a call. And even though I'm young and short, I won't be afraid to tell the judge in court.

Stacey Honowitz: So, you know, it's just, it's just like little tidbits and, and, and kids remember, I always say to parents, I wrote in, you know, you remember. You know, this is just not nursery rhyme , but this is something, Hey, wait a second. You know, Betsy boodle, blah, blah, blah, what else? 

Billie Tarascio: Planting seeds. Even if that child doesn't feel like they can say it, they might be thinking about it.

They might be telling themselves that. So I think this is wonderful. I think it's important. Anything I can do to get this message out here, I will. Plus I'm gonna order it. 

Stacey Honowitz: [00:36:00] Oh, fabulous. That's great. I'm happy to hear that. I'm so glad that you really took the initiative because you know, it's, it's I know it's hard.

Listen, I do a lot of podcasts and, and, and, and I know that it's difficult. I know that, you know, it's not something that your viewers always wanna hear, but then I've all I've gotten responses you have afterwards, your parents. Oh my God. Thank you so much. Not just having the, the, the flighty stuff or whatever.

Sometimes you got to hit the hard topics and I know it's tough, but I'm so glad that you took the time to talk to me about it. 

Billie Tarascio: Absolutely!, um, listeners, if you have enjoyed this episode, download it, download it, send it to your friends, post about it on Facebook. It's an important episode and every single one of us, needs this education, no matter if you're an aunt or a parent or where you're at in life, this is excellent.

Excellent education, Stacey. I want to thank you for your service. 33 years prosecuting sex crimes. I don't know if [00:37:00] people understand just how difficult that that would be and most people can't do that. So thank you for your service, for what you've done for your books. And thank you for being a guest on.

Oh, thank you so much for having me. It was a pleasure to meet you, and I hope that your listeners enjoyed it. And, um, you know, if you ever want me back again, absolutely. 

And make sure to subscribe to the podcast, like it, leave a review. And if there are topics that you'd like to hear, or if you would like to be a guest on the Modern Divorce podcast, reach out, we would love to have you thank you so much.

And we'll see you soon.